I think there's a reason why I love to doll up myself.
Especially putting make up.
It seems like whenever I start to put make up, I'm covering up all the scars. All the pain.
At the same time, covering up all the sadness.
It's like a mask to me.
No matter how sad or troubled I am, the process of dolling up myself makes me feel safe and comfortable.
When I'm done dolling up, I'll look into the mirror and tell myself, "Everything will turn out well",
And I'll head out, talk to strangers, promote chocolate, wishing people merry christmas with this.
That doesn't mean that I'm using a fake self to treat people.
I just simply keep all my scars and sadness and treat them with whatever that's left in me.
Happiness and gratefulness.
At least for now, that's the only way I know to stop myself from disturbing others with my emotions.
But no matter what, I'll try my best to live the rest of Year 2011 to the fullest.
Hopefully no accident. :X
Also, I went online and search for tarot reading.
hehehe..
Yea..I know, sound a little foolish of me to do so.
But I still like it.
The result this time is quite interesting. So I decided to share it.
Can't print screen it. So I just copied and paste it.
hahaha
Communication-Temperance TEMPERANCE AND COMMUNICATION: It is time now for you to discover the things around you. It is time to practice meditation and recover the love for the things. Spirituality invades your body and your mind. A sense of harmony and balance will guide you to success in any enterprise. Your transformation will take you closer to love.
The partner - The World THE WORLD AND THE PARTNER: Be brave enough to change what you have now, if he is not what you really want. The world is full of wonderful people. Your concept of what a relationship should be will come true when you experience real love.
Love - The Empress THE EMPRESS AND LOVE: You are ready to seduce or to be seduced; you are sexy and fun, take advantage of these qualities! You have lots of love to give; it all depends on your ability to express it. Don't forget that a relationship will prosper if there is mutual trust, respect and communication.
The Present - The tower THE TOWER: This is an excellent period for extraordinary and impetuous changes. Your world is falling apart and you want to save it by clinging to certain things. The only thing that you're going to get is being dragged down to the abyss with them. Let things happen; in this way everything will be faster and less painful. Be patient, the good things in you will remain. Relax, new opportunities will arise soon.
Dreams - Wheel of fourtune WHEEL OF FORTUNE AND DREAMS: You'll have enough energy to accomplish your goals; luck is with you: your future depends only on you. Use your perception and your extraordinary creativity to get ready to live what you've always dreamed of.
Friendship-The Chariot THE CHARIOT AND FRIENDSHIP: Don't let yourself be influenced by false, selfish, opportunist friends. Identify the good friends; they may not be many but they are precious. Share your friends with your family; you'll see that everything will be in harmony. Enjoy very moment, live intensely each day; you'll find the real meaning of your life.
Sex- The Fool THE FOOL AND SEX: This is a very favorable period for adventures of a sexual nature. If you know how to seize the opportunities, you'll be able to seduce interesting people, but the relationships won't last. If you decide to try infidelity, act with prudence and you won't have any problem. Nobody will catch you if you take care of every little detail. If what you are looking for is a partner, this is a favorable time. Enjoy what you have and don't worry; the future will bring new and better opportunities.
Reading this makes me feel so much better than knowing I get 下下签。
:X
Most of the things it says seem to be quite true.
Maybe I should follow it.
Sigh...
Shall not think too much first.
Shall go and catch a movie at woodland or yishun later.
Bye~~
Monday, December 19, 2011
That someone who won't run away.
That someone who will wipe off your tears and tell you that everything will be fine.
I've been working for the past few days with Lixing.
The job was not bad.
Not very stress.
But a little too boring. :x
Lixing and I spent lots of time together.
Chatting and just simply chillax at a corner.
Feels like we've gone back to those school days.
Just that this time, Niki is not with us. :(
Should really ask her out sometime.
Gui mama miss her daughter already.
hahahaha.
Lazy to add photos this time.
Next time then i add. :P
Lots of interesting things happened during the past few days.
Especially yesterday.
Lixing and I were just resting/sleeping during our break time a group of working adults suddenly approached us and asked if they can take a photo with us.
Hahahah.
We then get to know that they were playing a game, something like Amazing Race I guess.
Those group that manage to take a photo with a Santarina will get more points.
Hahaha.
We got caught by another group while taking the escalator down.
After the second group, Lixing and I decided that if we see another group, must try to run away.
hehehehehe.
Just to play prank on them. :P
And, indeed, we really met another group.
But I'm the only one that got caught. "-.-
Super fun. :D
Yesterday was the last day at Fusionopolis.
I swear the place is damn cold.
I think I'm getting a flu. :x
Anyway, Lixing and I manage to get off work early yesterday.
Went to the flea market at Scape and got myself a baby pink dress and another nice shirt.
Love them.
It's cheaper than I thought.
hehehe.
And so, my day ended quite well.
Some thoughts after working at Fusionopolis.
Hmm...I guess all work has its bitter and sweet.
This is relaxing.
But not the kind of job that I'll hold dearly on.
Hmm..what did I learn?
I learn to accept rejection with a smile.
A sincere smile.
:)
Oh, and also, I realised that Caucasians are very generous with compliments. :P
Last few Baci job and I'll be done with my current work.
Great experience.
I wonder who will I meet or any nice soul will visit me at work tmr.
Lots of interesting things happened for the past few days.
Can't wait to blog about it.
One and foremost, the first official East Meets West Connection production is out!!!!
Check it out below! :D
Absolutely amazing/awesome.
After so many years of productions, I dare to say that this is definitely one that I'm really proud of.
:D
Spending time with awesome friends and producing awesome film.
Simply AWESOME!!!!
Really thanks to all the production crew.
I count myself very lucky to be able to work with Jeth.
He made me realised something and accept it.
Becoz of him, I realised that I'm seriously not the cut for director.
Lack of the necessary charisma.
But that's something that is really evident in Jeth.
So maybe I'm more suitable for other roles.
Through feeling a little lost about what I should do in the future beside Director, I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to fit in somewhere in this industry.
no doubt about that.
hahahaha... I feel that I'm born to be in this industry, :P
Oh, also, thanks to Jeth, I don't hate colour correction as much as i do in the past.
heehehehehe..
Of course, not to forget, Aldrian for teaching me lots of new things regarding the DSLR.
And, no doubt, get expose to more new camera angles.
It feels great to be able to talk to someone who have a different view point about camera angles.
Too bad he went back to Indonesia. :(
But I believe that we'll meet up soon.
Not sure when. But should be soon. :D
And thanks to David for providing all the necessary equipment! :D
Too bad he was busy with hic church camp admin stuff, so he can't be there as much as he wants.
Maybe because I don't have to worry about studies and can give my very best to filming, I really really love the whole process. :)
Looking forward to the next production! :D
Arh... What else did I wanna blog??
Oh oh!! After the last day of filming of the prom video at clarke quak, I went to the side of the Singapore river and simply stone there for like 2 hours.
It's really nice there.
Cool breeze, christmas music, bubble displays and christmas lightnings.
Sure nice scenery, yet I was feeling super sad that evening.
Thoughts ran through my mind.
Tears just start to fall quietly.
Just to prevent myself from being too upset, I wrote all my thoughts and feelings down on my Diary.Secret book.
Yea...feels much better after that. Wanted to take the bus home.
But didn't know which bus to take.
So, i ended up taking train back.
All i can say is that, I was really having a hard time that evening.
But, crying is the only way I have to make me feel better.
Especially since I can't escape out of Singapore and go to some nice nice place to hide for awhile.
Back to normal. :)
Hahaha..
Last thing that I wanna to blog is about my job.
Yup yup. i'm finally working.
Went down to Farrer Park with my dearest Lixing to collect our costume and sign contract.
What can i say...simply excited! :D
Today is the first day of my work.
At Bukit Merah. -.-
Super far.
Woke up early to take 167 down to Bukit Merah Interchange.
90 mins bus ride.
But I manage to take a few real beautiful photos on the bus.
Sunrise.
Simply beautiful.
I didn't do any photo editing to it. :D
When I reached that place and find the booth, all the aunties there was like trying to find out what kind of promotion is going on.
Hahahaha.
But I think I really blushed a lot today.
hehehe...
The fairprice aunties all very nice.
I guess it's because of my costume.
Lots of them say I'm very pretty. :P :P :P
*Blushed*
hehehehe...
Was very tiring through.
Stood there for 6 hours with no lunch. :(
I was super hungry after that.
but glad that my partner and I met the sale target.
I've been slacking around as if my A level is over.
When it's sort of over, but just left with one more paper tmr.
Feels like Econ Paper 2 is so extra. :x
Oh well, but I'm still gonna try my best to do well.
Anyways, my life is slowly getting back to normal.
My normal life.
Travelling around places, enjoy the people and scenery, enjoy the good food around and just simply find a nice place, sit down and read a few novels for the whole day without the need to worry about homework and studies.
Ah...That's what I call enjoy life.
But of course, that's not just all.
:D
Soon, i'll start to cook and bake stuff. New stuff. :D
And also travel to places which I didn't manage to go because of A level.
What do I usually do there?
Stone, count stars, think of past, present and future.
Oh oh oh!! And I'll pick up my violin again and also my roller blade! :D
Life's gonna be great.
Will I be doing them alone?
Probably, for most of them.
Because I rather go alone than going with people who I don't feel comfortable with.
Yea..there's a lot of them.
Haha...I made it sound like I'm a loner.
But I'm not.
Seriously.
Some things are just meant to be done alone.
If not, with people who you're really close with.
But, anyways, I'll be posting more photos of where I've been to and probably the food I cook.
hehehe...
Just a sudden thought.
Have anyone ever felt that you've wasted too much time on someone?
I think I've waste too much.
And too many.
Which cost a lot.
Wasted 2 years with him and another 2 years to recover.
So, let's say I've wasted 4 years of my life.
Thought that my heart won't be easily broken after that.
But it seems like I'm wrong.
Anyway, though I really really don't wanna have anything to do with him since I've wasted 4 years, my heart still race whenever I see him.
So I decided to do up a list of things that make me happy, sad and pissed.
hahaha...
Can't wait to stone in front of the sunset after my 'A' level.
Not that I'm emo or what.
Just that I love the feeling of sitting down, not thinking or doing anything and just simply enjoy that moment, that particular moment where everything is so quiet and beautiful.
That's part of enjoying life.
Even if I wanna think, such a beautiful and calm place is so awesome to just properly.
hehehe...
Man... I miss this life. :D
Not that my current life isn't good.
just that it can be better.
I am a very emotional person.
Though sometimes I do feel that it is best to just be alone so that my emotions will not be affected by other, I still think that I shouldn't isolate myself.
Coz feeling lots of emotions is part of me.
And everyone have their own emotions.
So...if they are sad, I'll be sad with them. (With slight attempt to cheer them up)
If they're happy, then I'll be happy with them.
But it's not always the case though.
hahaha...
No matter what...
I shall just look at the bright side of my life.
I've a supportive family and a small group of valuable friends. :D
I only know that you're someone who I wanna spend life with.
I know I've been harsh.
I know I've been putting up lots of drama.
I know I've been trying to make you feel bad and guilty.
I just want you to feel as much pain as I do.
Yet....
In the end, I'm the one who get hurt the most.
Because I hurt someone I love the most.
I neglected the possibility that you may be as hurt as I am after hurting me.
I neglected the fact that you have a heart too.
Thinking that you're only using me.
Thinking that you're totally being selfish and irresponsible.
Trying to get back on you,
I lost myself.
This isn't me at all.
But..how can I not feel that way after being hurt before?
Though you and him are different.
And now...it's time to make a decision.
Which side of you am I gonna believe?
I'll choose it and stick to it.
No more pointless drama.
No more hurtful and harsh words.
No more tears.
I believe I've met the right guy.
But it's just not the right timing to be my perfect guy.
Maybe in the future.
For now, I guess it's best to stay like that.
No promise that we'll really end up well.
But I hope we will.
After so much damage done, best to be alone.
Pick up the broken pieces and start to fix it back.
Hopefully there's no missing pieces though.
For now, just be with myself.
Just me and myself.
:)
Keeping myself to only myself.
No one else.
Back into the shell.
But I hope things will work out in the future.
I truly do hope so.
:)
Sometimes, I wish we have a peacefully face to face chat about other feelings instead of hiding it, thinking that it's the best when it clearly isn't. No matter what, we'll see how it goes after As.
Next month, at this time, I guess I'll be lying down on my bed, sleeping in peace.
Don't have to worry about studies and all that.
Just have a real good sleep.
hahaha.
Looking forward to that day.
Anyway, I was lying down on my bed.
Just staring into space.
And flashback of what happened in the past few years since I was Sec 1 flashed in my mind.
Went through so much just to be where I am today.
I must say that my Secondary School life is the worse days in my life.
Yet...it's those tough days that taught me life lessons.
In CCA, I was trying real hard to hold on to what I believe.
Tried real hard to be recognized by my Seniors.
No one will want a junior to lead them, right?
Tried real hard to keep the team together becoz the teachers didn't care.
Tried real hard to get things going.
Tried real hard to prevent others from belittling the hard work my team put in.
Thinking back...I'm really a very stubborn person.
Holding on to what I believe in even when others doubt it.
I guess that's why I always think that only when you can hold on to things that you believe even when others doubt them, then it is something worth holding on to.
But it seems like I can't always do that.
Part of my hard work did paid off.
Before my Seniors graduate, it's heartening to know that they acknowledge my abilities and apologized for being mean to me.
I cried.
After struggling for so long, crying so many times, I finally did it.
Of course, beside CCA, there's still relationship.
My first love.
For the first time, I've tasted betrayal.
Giving your total trust to someone and yet, the person just threw in on the floor and tramp it.
Forgive him, gave him another chance.
And what I get back is another betrayal.
I've no idea what I was holding on to and why did I even gave him that second chance.
Maybe because it's first love, that's why I believe that it will somehow work out.
But, obviously, I was wrong.
Took me such a long time to give up and just move on.
I still remember that I told myself that I'll never give my trust to anybody in the future. Never.
Yet...I did it again.
Hahaha...
I've accepted and admit the fact that I made a wrong choice that time.
I was young.
It shouldn't happen in the first place.
Also, there's friends.
How hard it was for me to know who I can trust and who I can't.
Friends...I don't need to have many.
Just a few that I know they will always be there and I know I'll always be there for them.
That's enough.
Moving on to JC life.
Tough.
Very tough.
Yet...I manage to survive till now.
And what's left is for me to decide how I want to end it.
In studies, I can be a little slow and inflexible.
In CCA or maybe I should say, in my interest, I'm stubborn. Very stubborn at times.
In love, I'm foolish and naive.
In friendship, I'm extreme.
In being myself, I strive for perfection. Something that can't be achieved.
I believe that whatever I went through have meanings behind them.
