4th 24th

All this shit happens...

I just have to accept it even though I know I don't deserve it.

But life goes on....

All I am capable of doing now is just cry quietly in one corner.

That and nothing else...

Totally feel that i've cheapen myself. 

Hate it!

Again and again

Isn't it weird? 

The guys that I date are sort of the same kind.

Perhaps I'm really being too good.

Too good that they are taking advantage of me.

I'm just 19.

Yes I can play around.

But I don't think I'll like it.

Maybe niki is right.

Older guys may suit me more.

This current relationship... Should I still hold on?

Is it still worth holding on?

Good thing is that ever since Randy, I never really take whatever things he say seriously.

And lucky me have a very strong instinct. 

Though it may not be able to stop things from happening, at least it helped me be happened.

However, the feeling isn't good at all.

Is it really the end? 

泪

一个人独自坐在五房式的客厅里。

周围黑漆漆的。

因为就只有我自己一个人，开灯又有什么用。

身体觉得好不舒服。 又不知道这次是不是又要生病了。

明明我就是一个由父母有哥哥有男朋友的。

为什么偏偏子这个时候，我不舒服，心里难受，却不知要跟谁说。

父母不在新加坡。

就算跟他们说，他们也就有只会说我不会照顾好自己。

可是，他们也不想想，有谁会喜欢自己经常生病的。

明明就有哥哥，可是却是一个没有用的哥哥。

记得前些日子，爸妈都不在新加坡，我有两次发高烧，自己在床上难受得不得了。

自己去看医生，自己为自己敷冰，自己为自己打理食物。

如果我没有哥哥，我想我因该不会那么心寒了。

明明自己就是有哥哥的，但却要过这想没有哥哥的日子，

这种感觉比没有哥哥还来得心寒绝望。

我好当心万一有一天我真的发烧病死在家，到底还会不会有人发现。

虽然我早已面对我有这样一个哥哥的事实。

但是我很好奇， 每当他穿上我帮他洗，晒 的衣服时，他到底有什么感受？

还是他一点感受也没有。。。

算了。。。

我看我还是继续努力的骗自己是一个没有哥哥的人。

或许我会跟好受点。

男朋友。。。

我不知道因该说什么好。

希望他这时候开心就好。

希望他不要喝太多酒抽太多烟。

照顾好自己。

我不舒服，好想他。

但还没来得及跟他说我不舒服，他就叫我不要吵他。

我还能说什么呢？

他是爱我的。

只是在不对的时间，说了不对的话，让我在这种时候觉得更心寒罢了。

我只想照着我自己想过的生活好好的过着。

为什么这么难呢？

家。。。不是天天呆在那里，那里就是家。

我想要几点出门就出门，几点回家就回家。

想做什么就做什么。

只要不杀人，发火，做坏事就好了。

就这样简单。

为什么就那么难得到呢？

我想快乐。

真的。。。

就那么简单。。。

POP lo!!!!

YAY!!!!

On the 4th Dec 2012, my dearest Xiong finally POP lo!!!!!

Super happy for him.

And me too!

Time files by real fast.

In a blink of eyes, 3 months and 28 days passed.

Though xiong and I only get together for like 3 months plus, it certainly feel that we are really close to each other. 

After being with him, it is the first time I feel that I'm truly being loved, first time that I feel whatever I feel and do is no longer one-sided, first time I can tell others proudly that I am his girl and he is my guy...

So many first time...

Yes, I complain to other about how childish and sometimes selfish he can be. 

But, his good points are definitely more than his bad ones.

Or maybe I should say...so bad points that other people think is seen as good points to me.hahaha

Slowly, he is gaining my trust and love.

I love him for who he is.

Sweet, loving, caring, a bit hot-tempered, a bit childish, or maybe I should just say a bit of everything.

hehehe.

At least till now, he is the guy that no matter how long I see him or spend time with him, I will never get tired of him. :)

If there is a best boyfriend award, I will definitely give it to him.

Every night, flashback of those moments, both sweet and bitter, appear in my mind.

Before I sleep, I'm so thankful to have him with me.

Though we might not be able to see each other that often, we know that we have a place in each other's heart.

A place that is important, irreplaceable and filled with love, care and concern.

3 months plus and still counting...

 I love you!!!!

hihi

Hi hi.

I’m back. Have been so long since I last blogged. Don’t really know where I should start… Work is still alright. No stress and everyone is nice to me. Luckily I’m independent enough. If not, I guess it would be real hard for me to do this job since I’m usually the only one in the office. Needless to say, this job is considered very great. It pays a market price based on my past experience and education level. But, I feel that with the time that I have, I should be able to do more and earn more. Shall figure a way out.

Xiong and I are together for 3 months and counting… He is going to POP soon. Can’t believe we have been together for more than 3 months. Feels so unreal. Yea..we do quarrel and get really pissed off with each other at times but we won’t stay angry with each other for long. Coz we love each other. Hehehe.. Though his ex still come and disturbs me and gets me very irritated and annoyed, I still decided to just believe in XIong. Lets hope that I didn’t trust the wrong person again. Can’t wait for his POP tmr. I truly hope he can eventually quit smoking. But still….this kind of thing is up to him to decide. Oh, he is going for Zonk Out this coming Friday. Still thinking if I should go too. I want to go crazy for awhile so badly.

 Yes, work and love seem to be very good for me now. But, to me, it just feels like the peace before the storm. Especially in work. I want to know more people. I want to mingle around. I want to get more exposure. So much so much things that I want. But…there is something that I’m very sure and clear of and that is if I want something, I must give something first. All this is what I want. But before I can get them, what is it that I should give first. That’s the question that I must find an answer to. Once I get the answer, the rest would be easy.

Jiayou jiayou!

想要得到什么，就要先付出点什么。