29th October 2011

"Being soft and delicate but not fragile.

Being strong and feisty but staying sweet and adorable."

28th October 2011

Phew...Finally heading to bed soon.

Has been a long day.

I've decided! :D

No matter what, I'll charge myself with positive energy everyday.

(ok...I'll try to do it everyday. hehehe)

Coz life is too short to be stress and grumpy all the time.

hehehe..

If I can't pass 'A' level, then so be it.

As long as I give my best.

If I have to face problems, then so be it.

As long as I don't run away from it.

If I have to ask for help, then so be it.

As long as it doesn't cause much trouble to others.

No matter what, it's not the end of the world.

As long as I tell myself that things will get better. 

So... JIAYOU!!!!

You can do it, Lansin!!!

You can!!

:D

Ok...Goodnight stars. 

Sweet dreams!

:D

24th October 2011

 到底要下多大的决心

   才能不再有所留念。

22th October 2011

One more month.

Next month, at this time, I guess I'll be lying down on my bed, sleeping in peace.

Don't have to worry about studies and all that.

Just have a real good sleep.

hahaha.

Looking forward to that day.

Anyway, I was lying down on my bed.

Just staring into space.

And flashback of what happened in the past few years since I was Sec 1 flashed in my mind.

Went through so much just to be where I am today.

I must say that my Secondary School life is the worse days in my life.

Yet...it's those tough days that taught me life lessons.

In CCA, I was trying real hard to hold on to what I believe.

Tried real hard to be recognized by my Seniors.

No one will want a junior to lead them, right?

Tried real hard to keep the team together becoz the teachers didn't care.

Tried real hard to get things going.

Tried real hard to prevent others from belittling the hard work my team put in.

Thinking back...I'm really a very stubborn person.

Holding on to what I believe in even when others doubt it.

I guess that's why I always think that only when you can hold on to things that you believe even when others doubt them, then it is something worth holding on to.

But it seems like I can't always do that.

Part of my hard work did paid off.

Before my Seniors graduate, it's heartening to know that they acknowledge my abilities and apologized for being mean to me.

I cried. 

After struggling for so long, crying so many times, I finally did it.

Of course, beside CCA, there's still relationship.

My first love.

For the first time, I've tasted betrayal. 

Giving your total trust to someone and yet, the person just threw in on the floor and tramp it.

Forgive him, gave him another chance.

And what I get back is another betrayal.

I've no idea what I was holding on to and why did I even gave him that second chance.

Maybe because it's first love, that's why I believe that it will somehow work out.

But, obviously, I was wrong.

Took me such a long time to give up and just move on.

I still remember that I told myself that I'll never give my trust to anybody in the future. Never.

Yet...I did it again.

Hahaha...

I've accepted and admit the fact that I made a wrong choice that time.

I was young. 

It shouldn't happen in the first place.

Also, there's friends.

How hard it was for me to know who I can trust and who I can't.

Friends...I don't need to have many.

Just a few that I know they will always be there and I know I'll always be there for them.

That's enough.

Moving on to JC life.

Tough.

Very tough.

Yet...I manage to survive till now.

And what's left is for me to decide how I want to end it.

In studies, I can be a little slow and inflexible.

In CCA or maybe I should say, in my interest, I'm stubborn. Very stubborn at times.

In love, I'm foolish and naive.

In friendship, I'm extreme.

In being myself, I strive for perfection. Something that can't be achieved.

I believe that whatever I went through have meanings behind them.

Find those reasons and keep moving on.

I've no idea why I suddenly have such flashbacks. 

19th October 2011 :D

Oh..just a quick add on. 

:D

I'm gonna try out my new recipes after 'A's.

New flavoured cupcakes.

And healthy chicken cutlet.

Muahahaha!!!

Hope it will take out well.

Oh...and...

Yup, I'm alright now.

:D

No point holding on.

So...shall just move on.

Muhahahaha!

19th October 2011

Just around half a month to 'A' level.

It's so scary. :X

Just gonna give my best.

I believe you'll be watching over me. 

:D

Anyway, I had quite some thoughts today.

I was thinking of what I wanna do after 'A'.

And the first thing that came to my mind was cooking.

hahaha

I'm surprised. No idea why I've such thoughts.

hahaha..

Anyway, there's one thing that I really really really look forward to.

 :D :D :D

Jam Hsiao is gonna hold his concert in Singapore!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally!!!!!

I can listen to his awesome voice live.

Muhahahahahaha!!!!

Looking forward to it. 

:D :D :D :D 

Ok....back to reality.

Gonna continue mugging.

Not much time for me to write down all my thoughts.

Shall do it bit by bit then. hhaha

16th October 2011

After whatever that has happened, I realised that I can't always see you in a positive light.

It's my fault. 

I shouldn't have judged you based on solely how you treated me.

I've lost it.

This shouldn't be how I act.

But again, I shouldn't always shoulder the blame.

Especially when it's not entirely my fault.

Argh!!! 

I hate this me.

This isn't the kind of person I want to be.

Frustrating!!!!

At times like this, I just wanna stay in a cave that's covered by a waterfall.

Sigh....

I guess I've been trying too hard.

That's it. 

Shall not try that hard. It will just make me feel that I'm annoying and unwanted.

That's it.

13th October 2011

Miss this place so much.

In school.
Damn sleepy.
I wanna slack!
:(

Strong urge to tell you how much I freaking love you.

 But...self-control.

 Shall just pen it down on paper.

12th October 2011

Just done with an essay.

SO sleepy.

But, overall still quite alright.

I was a little upset in the evening coz I feel that some people are taking me for granted. :X

Or maybe, I'm just thinking too much.

But, lucky me, i've someone to turn to.

haha

Thanks. :D

And after that, had a supper/dinner with Kenneth.

He said I've lose weight. 

*Look into the mirror*

But, I can't see much difference.

hahaha.

But had a real good time with him.

Always have new stuff to talk about.

And yes, for the first time, I admit to someone that I don't know how to use a compass and I've problem identifying north, south, east and west. 

._."

At least now I know.

Hahaha...

Ok ok...

I should really go to sleep now.

Hopefully can have a real good sleep.

P.S To those who are taking oral exam tmr, BEST OF LUCK!!!! JIAYOU!!! *HUG*

11th October 2011

My dream house!

If I've a chance, I hope I can live there.

Away from the busy city.

Just me, my dog and my love ones.

10th October 2011

Addicted to this song. 

hahaha

:D

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I?m missing you and I?m wishing
You would come back through my door, ooh
Why did you have to go? You could've let me know
So now I?m all alone

Girl, you could have stayed but you wouldn?t give me a chance
With you not around it?s a little bit more than I can stand, ooh
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it?s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don?t know what else I can do
Don?t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain?t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do, I?ll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me?)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away, everything stays the same
I just can?t do it baby

What will it take to make you come back?
Girl, I told you what it is and it just ain?t like that
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elliott-yamin-lyrics/wait-for-you-lyrics.html ]
No, why can?t you look at me? You?re still in love with me
Don?t leave me crying

Baby, why can?t we just, just start over again?
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you?re telling me it won?t be enough

So baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don?t know what else I can do
Don?t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain?t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do, I?ll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it?s a lie what you're keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby, I will wait for you
Baby, I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

Baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain?t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do, I'll wait for you

I'll be waiting

8th October 2011

Time is running out.
Don't leave yourself with any regrets.
Do what you should do. 
But, I hope this would be the last time I have to do this.

8th October 2011

A: It's hurting too much. I can't forgive. 
B: Yes, you can. Though it hurts that much, it doesn't kill you. Just forgive.
A: But why? Why should I forgive after what he did. I gave him trust, love and others. Yet, this is what I get it return. So, why should I forgive?
B: There, there..When you decide to give, did you expect anything in return from him?
A: I would be lying if I say I didn't have slight expectation. But, I never expect to get to same amount in return. I guess the best he can do is not to hurt me that much right?
B: Here, this is where you're wrong. Love, trust, feelings can't be measured. It's not in kilogram or litres. You hope that he would love you just like you love him. Maybe he still loves you. Just that he hurt you.
A: But when you love someone, you will do whatever you can to protect and prevent the person from getting hurt right?
B: True, maybe there are much more important things that he have to do which forced him to hurt you. Listen, in this world, people are selfish at times. People do stuffs in order to get what they want. Sometimes, even if they don't want to. If you always hold on to the mistakes they've made, in the end, both of you will suffer. If today is the last day of your life, will you choose to forgive him or not forgive him?
A: .......
B: You know you will forgive him. Because you love him so much that you don't wanna have any regrets when you leave the world.
A: But, he hurt me!!! He hurt me so much!! How can I forgive??
B: Nothing will change even if you don't forgive him. He will still move on with his awesome life and you'll still be here struggling to get out of the pain. So why not just forgive?
A: If I forgive, it just simply means that I'll leave my heart open for another heart break.
B: Everyone will get their heart break at different time. But time doesn't stop. Life still goes on. Because you love that much, that's why it hurt that much. Can't you look at it in a simpler way? Because you love him that's why you forgive him. Don't look at it as because he hurt you that's why you shouldn't forgive.
A: Then what about me?? I'm broken apart. I can't tell him how much I miss him. I can't tell him how much I love him. Everything around me reminds me about him. I'm helpless. I don't know what to do. Please...tell me what I should do.
B: Beside time and yourself, no one can heal broken heart. Not even me. It's broken. So, pick it up piece by piece and put it back. You don't have to say it out in order to show it. I won't tell you what you should do. But, I will give you a suggestion on what you can do. Forgive him. Let him go. Let him move on to do whatever him wants. And you, start picking up the pieces and move on with your life at the same time. Remember, you don't have much time. Leave as if everyday is the last day of your life. Only then, you won't feel that painful. I know it hurts to let him go. But i guess it will hurt you more if you continue holding on to him.
A: Then, should I wait? I really don't know if I should. I used to think that no matter how long it is, I will wait. But now? I don't know. I want to wait. But I'm scared that it's not worth waiting. What if everything happens again?
B: Here my dear, you don't have to rush to make a decision. You don't have to force yourself to make a decision. No one knows what the future will be like. Maybe in the future, he found some other girl that suits him. Maybe in the future, you found some other guy who love and will not hurt you. Maybe in the future, you two will be together. So, don't rush. Let nature takes it course. Who knows, maybe you two are meant to be, but just not now? Or maybe not. There are too many things unknown. Don't let yourself suffer for things that you can't know. Remember, there's always a plan for you. There's always a reason for whatever you're experience.
A: Will everything be alright? Will I be alright?
B: Yes. You will. Remember, don't do things that will leave you in regrets. You're never alone.

I hate it.

I feel like I'm drowning.

Why can't I just let go?

I hate how insecure  and helpless I'm feeling now.

"Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit.

Sometimes I wanna hide coz it's you I miss

And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this."

5th October 2011

Some people can leave whenever they want.

But, have they thought of those that were left behind by them?

How would they feel?

Lost? Cheated? Heart broken? Abandon?

Just saying.

Too naive to believe.

Yet, too hard to let go.

Is everything gonna be alright?

Actions bigger than words.

Words are cheap. Yet, can hurt that much.

But, people still believe in them.

The struggle in me.

No one will understand beside You.

Act as if everything is alright when I'm actually struggling inside.

Hopefully as time goes by, my acting will convince me that it is real. Not acting anymore.
I'll try my best.

2th October 2011

I miss you a lot.

1st October 2011

Maybe I've sort things out.

Accept what happened.

But my mind and my heart doesn't seem to go along.

Which one should I follow?

I still love you.

But I don't know if I should trust again.

Will you keep your promise this time???

I guess it will tell as time goes by.

But at the same time, I should look at you in what way?

Still the same me.

The same girl that love you.