Hearts move apart...

Saw a very interesting and meaningful post on Facebook.

Make lots of sense to me. 

So I decided to share it here.

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of familymembers on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled 'n asked.

'Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.'

'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.' asked the saint

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained, .

'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper 'n they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other 'n that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'

He looked at his disciples 'n said.

'So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.'

So true...

No matter how angry you are, never say things that will make you regret.

It's not worth it.

HI!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't worry.

I'm still alive. hahaha.

Just that I've no mood to blog for the past few weeks.

But I'm back! :D

Being sick for like 2 to 3 weeks. -.-

Coughing non-stop like an lao ah ma.

Went to the doctor and spent like $60 but didn't really help much.

Super pissed off. 

But, I'm recovering well.

Drank like a bottle of coughing syrup.

haha. There's one point of time that I thought that I'm dying soon becoz the cough is seriously painful.

Good thing that it's getting better.

Coz no need to be like an lao ah ma and can finally find one day and go out with my dearest Lixing.!!!! :D

hahahaha.

A quick update.

Bro decided to treat Mummy and me Tarafuku.

(So suprised! hahaha. Bro actually initiate to treat! Love him most!)

My dearest Bro!!! Love you!!!

After that, I went to meet up with Lixing and Ah Jo (Joel) and we went walk walk and chat chat.

Super fun coz we just like talk about lots of random stuff and all that.

Jo is really like a curious little boy to me.

He reminds me too much about David.

But, I'll not think of him as David.

Coz they're two different person after all.

Lastly, the day ends with eating ice cream at Cold Rock.

Look really nice.

But...

Not really that nice leh.

A little disappointed.

I expected it to be nicer.

But..oh well, at least I tried.

Next time, I shall think twice before going.

Met Lixing again at CWP the other day for some light evening shopping.

hahaha.

A total different feel to shop in the evening with her.

I was too lazy to put any make up.

Only wore contact lens.

So look a bit shagged.

hahaha. but..I don't really care.

Sigh....

Why NTU letter still haven't come?????

I'm like super anxious already.

Plus, Daddy and Mummy keep bugging me about it.

Come on, if I know the result, I'll have tell you.

But I don't even know.

You ask me the same thing over and over again.

Super stress sia.

Sigh....Gonna ignore them for now.

Pray hard that I can get in.

If not, they'll bug me to hell.

Seriously...

Things been a little messy recently.

I guess I'm too extreme at times.

It's not all good but it's not all bad either.

At least I will force myself to stick to something once I've decided.

The extreme ends...

Oh well, some people like it while others don't.

But..I really don't wanna care that much.

Coz you can't please everyone in the world.

Family, friends and love...

there's something similar to me.

Once I think that you're worth me caring and loving, I'll really treat you wholeheartedly.

Once you show me that there's no use to me being so good and nice to you, then bye bye.

I'll just leave.

Sound extreme and super heartless right?

but..that's me.

In relationship and friendship, there are bound to be fights and quarrels.

What's most important is spare a thought for each other. 

Things can only work out if both parties put in the effort to maintain it.

There's a limit to everything.

My limit is just....3 months.

After 3 months, if things remains the same, then I guess it's time for me to say bye bye.

No logic

Stop using logic in relationship.

You're not pulling me down.

You're letting your past pull you down.

Don't give me the bullshit excuse of me deserving better.

Come on, everyone deserve better.

But it's just a matter of who we choose to be.

 Are you happy when you're with me?

Coz all I want is for you to be happy.

If me leaving is the best for you, then I will.

Yes. It's dumb.

Super dumb.

But it's just my way of loving you.

I'm happy without you in my life.

But...I'm happier if you're in my life.

I'm sorry...

"I'm sorry.

Hope you'll find the girl that is meant for you soon.

Sorry."

It pains me to say this.

Yet, I know I should end it if I know there's no good ending to it.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry to hurt some people recently.

I feel like disappearing from anyone and everyone for just awhile.

To think clearly and find a balance in my life. 

I'm changing too fast.

So fast that my life couldn't adapt to it.

Once I come back, things will fall in place.

Lets hope so.

Going for SIA interview tmr.

No high hopes or expectations coz i know it's super hard to get in.

still...wish me luck. 

cheers.

Two different world

I guess, this song sort of sum up how I'm feeling right now. 

过了今晚 再也留不住你 迟早要洗去 我脸颊上的唇印
你和我约定 到了明天 谁都不许再提起
你轻轻地留给我 这深深的回忆
甜言蜜语 迟早都会说尽
再多真心挡不住黎明来临
这段属于黑夜的爱情 注定要蒸发阳光底
爱上了不该爱的人 连伤心都会来不及
两个世界的代表作品就是命运
我虽然很有勇气 但却放不下自尊心
时钟滴滴答答 滴滴答答 我还盲目的拥抱你
希望把这一刻的时间 永远锁在黑夜里
甜言蜜语 迟早都会说尽
再多真心挡不住黎明来临
这段属于黑夜的爱情
注定要蒸发阳光底
爱上了不该爱的人
连伤心都会来不及
两个世界的代表作品就是命运
我虽然很有勇气 但却放不下自尊心
时钟滴滴答答 滴滴答答 我还盲目的拥抱你
希望把这一刻的时间 永远锁在黑夜里
过了今晚 再也留不住你
迟早要洗去 我脸颊上的唇印
你和我约定 到了明天
谁都不许再提起
你轻轻地留给我
这深深的回忆

Passerby

I really feel that I'm caring too much.
Me and you...probably just a passerby.
Shouldn't care too much.
I need to learn not to care too much.

Photos!!!!

Too much wordy post recently.

So...today, I shall spam photos!!

More photos, less words.

Here we go!

I MISS LIXING!!!!!!!!

My 'model' for my organic drawing. hehehe

Prawning with Niki, Jo and Randy.

A Java Chip and just me @ Changi Airport Starbuck.

Was on my way back from NSC and saw this. Thought it was beautiful.

haha

And last but now least, my new look!

This feeling sucks...

Sigh...

Yes...I've see this coming.

He went for other girl.

I just didn't expect this day to come so fast.

But, beside that, everything else seems to be within expectation.

My heart feels like giving a loud scream.

This feeling sucks to the max.

Yes, I'm a human being.

But then, I realised that I'm able to control all my thoughts and feelings better now.

If it's me in the past, I would have confronted him right away.

But this time, I won't.

I find it very amazing how he can "commit" himself to more than one person at the same time.

Giving excuses that is really super lousy.

I gave him a chance to tell the truth.

He didn't. 

Fine...since we're in an open relationship, I won't ask about your other life.

This evening will be your last chance.

Lets see how it goes.

Foolish Me...

Trying to use a mistake to make up the regrets we had in the past.

Hoping that this mistake will not become a regret.

If me or you were brave enough to tell each other how we felt, things might be different.

Back then when we were just 14 years old...things were so pure and simple.

But, we won't brave enough.

5 years later, we met again. 

Super happy to see this familiar face again.

Both of us matured becoz we went through a lot.

We've all changed.

You're no longer that simple.

And I'm no longer that innocent.

Yet, we walked together...talking about the past, still loving each other company.

But...I know that you're no longer the you in the past.

If we were together 5 years ago, I'll be sure that you'll love me and only me.

But now...I know you won't.

You can no longer really commit exclusively to one person.

And...I can no longer open myself completely to anyone.

I still step into this...

Foolish me...

I know you'll find other girls.

I know you won't be just mine.

I know we are a mistake.

This time, I just don't want to repeat the mistake we made in past.

As for me, I'll not get too attached.

It's a good thing that I'm actually clear of what is real and what is fake, what is true and what is false.

I hope...I'm strong enough to take whatever that's gonna happen in the future.

For now, just cherish whatever I have with you...

Yes..I'm foolish and silly.

I'm clear of what I'm getting into.

And I don't expect other people to understand this.

Lets hope I won't get shattered this time.

Facade, Stubborn, Change, Grow

I'm back to emo again.

I'll still put some photos that's not related to the post anyway.

Sigh...

Yes, I've realised. 

I've realised that I become more wild and open (using what others describe me as).

Why did I change till like that?

Lets look back to what happened during the past 6 months.

Went through break up, 'A' level, doubting my passion, getting lost in life, finding for what I want in life, enjoying a month of really good life, then getting an 'A' level result that isn't good, trying to find a balance between work, passion, family household chores, friends, trying to deal with my illness, rushing portfolio, struggling between everything and anything, etc...

If I don't change, I won't be able to manage my life.

I'll end up being controlled by life rather than I controlling my own life.

I hate losing control of myself.

I hate losing control of my own life.

Maybe I should say that the break up, my 'A' level result, my illness, that one month of enjoyable time and rushing portfolio changed me...a lot.

The break up...seriously made me wanna block out all my feelings and emotions.

Being vulnerable is really irritating and sucks to the max.

So, at that time, I told myself that I'll take control of my own feelings.

And yes, I can do it now.

My 'A' level result...it's like a slap on my face.

Like seriously, it made me realised that no one care how much hard I put it, everyone only care about the result. Telling myself 'I did my best.' is just a way of consoling myself .

But, other than that, what else can I do?

Complain? Whine? 

As if it's gonna change anything.

Might as well just accept and move on.

But, this really make me realise how important it is be strong enough to accept failure.

And also, accept the fact that just hard work won't bring you anywhere far.

But without hardwork, you won't even go anywhere.

So..I'll still give my best.

It's either I give 100% or 0%.

All or none.

My illness...I wonder where I get all those courage to tell and show people around me about my hair when they ask.

I wonder why didn't I lie.

Coz their reactions makes me feel very pathetic.

I know they care about me.

Though I know there are people who just wanna look at it as a 'joke'. 

How did I survived all these?

Initially, i really couldn't take it.

It's too much for me.

Just imagine, people see the patches on your head and asked you what happen.
After you tell them, they give you that kind of  'You're so pitiful' look.
Everytime. Each and everytime.
I have deal why those looks with a smile, telling them that i'm really alright.
Especially in front of those people who I know they're just looking at this as a joke.
I can't show them that I'm weak.
I have to tell myself that I'm not pitiful.
Tiring,
From this, I learnt not to care too much about what others think.
Caring too much about it...won't help me much.
So why can't so much?

That one month of enjoyable time...made me realised that actually I'm already very fortunate.
I think about lots of things during that month.
I realised how much I love people around me.
I went oversea, had an awesome getaway, came back as a more contented and outgoing person.
At least that what I think.
I know what I want in my life and how I want it to be.
I might be a blank piece of paper.
But I know what am I gonna write and how am I gonna write on it.
And...there's one more thing, after I came back, I become straightforward.
I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.

And..rushing my portfolio...well...one sentence...Stress pushes my limits.

That's why I changed so much.
If I don't change, will I still be strong enough to handle all this shit?
Yes.. I'm forcing myself to change.
I don't wanna care too much.
I don't wanna think too much.

Listening to this while blogging.

Finding a balance in everything is tiring and impossible.
So, I decided to let go of everything.
At least for now.

BUT!!!
No matter how much I've changed, I will still love and care about people I love around me.
Like my dearest Lixing and Niki.
And also, Kenneth and my other cousins.
Maybe they won't like how I've become..
but...I have to change, i have to grow..

Lixing's birthday is like 3 days ago.
I feel so guilty coz I didn't spend enough time with her and didn't prepare present for her.
宝贝，对不起。
Shall make up to you soon.
30th March 2012 is the day my most beautiful daughter turn 19.
I hope she'll always stay so sweet and pretty.
Jiayou for whatever you wanna do.
Hold on to your dreams! Believe in whatever you do!
No one knows what will happen in the future.
Remember, don't leave any regrets.
All I wanna see is you being healthy, happy and doing whatever you like.
Gui Ma love you lots!!!
*hugs*
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!

Ok..done emoing...back to reality.