29th December 2011

Had an interesting thought today.

I think there's a reason why I love to doll up myself.

Especially putting make up.

It seems like whenever I start to put make up, I'm covering up all the scars. All the pain.

At the same time, covering up all the sadness.

 It's like a mask to me.
No matter how sad or troubled I am, the process of dolling up myself makes me feel safe and comfortable.
When I'm done dolling up, I'll look into the mirror and tell myself, "Everything will turn out well",
And I'll head out, talk to strangers, promote chocolate, wishing people merry christmas with this.

 That doesn't mean that I'm using a fake self to treat people.
I just simply keep all my scars and sadness and treat them with whatever that's left in me.
Happiness and gratefulness.

At least for now, that's the only way I know to stop myself from disturbing others with my emotions.