25th November 2011

I should be preparing to head out for lunch with one of my friends.

But, my whole body is aching like hell and i'm having blocked nose.

What a way to start my day... -.-

Kenneth taking his exam today,

Wish him all the best! :D

Jiayou!

Meeting him later for dinner.

I'm gonna drag my severely damaged body out. Hope it will last at least today.

Currently experiencing the worst feeling  after my As.

Physically and emotionally.

Gonna try to stay away first.

Sigh...

Really got to go now.

bye.

24th November 2011

Failures.

No one likes it.

But we always learn best through failures.

Becoz it's so painful that you won't forget.

For me, I can accept failures.

I've failed many times in my life.

I accept failures but I don't let myself fail.

My parent are totally ok with me failing.

I believe no one in this world can life his or her entire life without failing.

So if my parent is okay with me failing and I can accept failure, then why am I being so hard on myself??

Becoz I believe that my life is more than just about me.

How can I stand other people insulting my parent just becoz I didn't do well?

How can I be so selfish and just think about myself?

Food, clothes, books, bags, love etc.

I've all these becoz of them.

I don't let myself fail not becoz I can't accept it.

Ok...shall end this topic here.

Wait till I've more deeper thoughts first.

hahahaha

If I've the ability to, I want to leave this place too.

Too many painful memories.

Get away from everyone and everything.

But I can't.

At least, for now.

I can't.

My life is more than just caring about myself.

There are other things that are way more important than just myself.

I don't know whether it's in me or it simply had become one of my habit.

When something happened, I tend to push the blame on myself first instead of pushing it on to others.

Good and bad, I guess.

Not that I've no self confidence.

Just that it's always good to check whether you're the one who's really to be blamed.

No one like to be blamed wrongfully.

Don't like the feeling of blaming other wrongfully.

Others may think that such act is a lack of self confidence.

But I think it's more of striving for perfection.

Of coz, we all have different point of views.

I'm not gonne stop being your friend just becoz we're different views.

That's plain stupid.

Ok...that's all for today.

Hope you guys are all doing well. 

:)

Before you return, I should just stop bugging.

21th November 2011

我真的不知道我应该怎么做了。

面对你，有时候我真的累了。

你的不闻不问让我感到不知所措与绝望。

每次当我主动找你时，我都觉得自己好没用。

有时候，我明明知道你没有很想花时间陪我，但是我还是照样问你有没有时间陪我。

我很讨厌这样的自己。

有时候会想放弃。因为实在是太累了。

但是没用的我却始终放不下。

你真的还爱我吗？

我真的不知道我还能做什么了。

放弃其他的机会，不让其他男生有任何的机会。

但是这样做值得吗？

我为你所流下的眼泪，对你的思念，我想你不会明白，也不会知道。

我想要的不多。

只希望你能抽出一点时间陪我。

一起看电影也好，吃饭也好， 什么也不做也好。

但是，连着一个小愿望也不能实现。

对你，我已经不抱有任何渴望。

有时候，我真的爱得很累。

现在，是时候好好想想我的下一步应该怎么做了。

有可能离开这里会是一个好决定。

我只能说，不管怎么样，我爱你。

20th November 2011

Ah..so what's new?

I've been slacking around as if my A level is over.

When it's sort of over, but just left with one more paper tmr.

Feels like Econ Paper 2 is so extra. :x

Oh well, but I'm still gonna try my best to do well.

 Anyways, my life is slowly getting back to normal.

My normal life.

Travelling around places, enjoy the people and scenery, enjoy the good food around and just simply find a nice place, sit down and read a few novels for the whole day without the need to worry about homework and studies.

Ah...That's what I call enjoy life.

But of course, that's not just all.

:D

Soon, i'll start to cook and bake stuff. New stuff. :D

And also travel to places which I didn't manage to go because of A level.

What do I usually do there?

Stone, count stars, think of past, present and future.

Oh oh oh!! And I'll pick up my violin again and also my roller blade! :D

Life's gonna be great.

Will I be doing them alone?

Probably, for most of them.

Because I rather go alone than going with people who I don't feel comfortable with.

Yea..there's a lot of them.

Haha...I made it sound like I'm a loner.

But I'm not.

Seriously.

Some things are just meant to be done alone.

If not, with people who you're really close with.

But, anyways, I'll be posting more photos of where I've been to and probably the food I cook.

hehehe...

Just a sudden thought.

Have anyone ever felt that you've wasted too much time on someone?

I think I've waste too much. 

And too many.

Which cost a lot.

Wasted 2 years with him and another 2 years to recover.

So, let's say I've wasted 4 years of my life.

Thought that my heart won't be easily broken after that.

But it seems like I'm wrong.

Anyway, though I really really don't wanna have anything to do with him since I've wasted 4 years, my heart still race whenever I see him.

This time, I'll try my best to hold back myself. 

I'm not gonna fall back into his trap again.

Shouldn't.

16th November 2011

List of things that can make me super happy:

1) HUGS!!!!

2) Stoning

3) Sunset

4) Film making

5) DOGS

6) Chocolate

7) Quality time with friends and love ones.

8) Good morning/ goodnight text

9) Traveling

10) Swimming/running/rollerblading

Things/People that make me super sad:

1) When people around me feels sad :(

2) When I can't eat my favourite food

3) Run out of dark chocolate

4) Rains when I travel all the way to see sunset. :(

5) When I have no choice but to leave my love ones.

Things/People that make me super pissed:

1) Selfish people (those extremely selfish ones)

2) People who abuse animals. >:(

3) When I can feel that you're not treating me sincerely

4) People who take others for granted

5) When I keep holding on to the past. (Totally hate it)

6) When people keep on whining about how 'miserable' their life is.

7) Arrogant people

8) When I forget to store up my chocolate

9) People who betray the trust others gave.

10) When people throw my plushies on the floor. >:(

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yup..I was just feeling bored.

So I decided to do up a list of things that make me happy, sad and pissed.

 hahaha...

Can't wait to stone in front of the sunset after my 'A' level.

Not that I'm emo or what.

Just that I love the feeling of sitting down, not thinking or doing anything and just simply enjoy that moment, that particular moment where everything is so quiet and beautiful.

That's part of enjoying life.

Even if I wanna think, such a beautiful and calm place is so awesome to just properly.

hehehe...

Man... I miss this life. :D

Not that my current life isn't good.

just that it can be better. 

I am a very emotional person.

Though sometimes I do feel that it is best to just be alone so that my emotions will not be affected by other, I still think that I shouldn't isolate myself.

Coz feeling lots of emotions is part of me.

And everyone have their own emotions.

So...if they are sad, I'll be sad with them. (With slight attempt to cheer them up)

If they're happy, then I'll be happy with them.

But it's not always the case though.

hahaha...

No matter what...

I shall just look at the bright side of my life.

I've a supportive family and a small group of valuable friends. :D

What's more important is I love Lord.

It's between you and me. :D

Live life.

Love life.

:D

13th November 2011

Everything was peaceful, fun and happy today.

Until I found out that someone hacked into my account and post all those weird stuff to all my friends!!!!!!!

WHO!!! WHO DID THAT!!!!

WHO DID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCREW YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8th November 2011

I'm not sure about the other stuff.

I only know that you're someone who I wanna spend life with.

I know I've been harsh.

I know I've been putting up lots of drama.

I know I've been trying to make you feel bad and guilty. 

I just want you to feel as much pain as I do.

Yet....

In the end, I'm the one who get hurt the most.

Because I hurt someone I love the most.

I neglected the possibility that you may be as hurt as I am after hurting me.

I neglected the fact that you have a heart too.

Thinking that you're only using me.

Thinking that you're totally being selfish and irresponsible.

Trying to get back on you,

I lost myself.

This isn't me at all.
But..how can I not feel that way after being hurt before?
Though you and him are different.

And now...it's time to make a decision.

Which side of you am I gonna believe?

I'll choose it and stick to it.

No more pointless drama.

No more hurtful and harsh words.

No more tears.

I believe I've met the right guy.

But it's just not the right timing to be my perfect guy.

Maybe in the future.

For now, I guess it's best to stay like that.

No promise that we'll really end up well.

But I hope we will.

After so much damage done, best to be alone.

Pick up the broken pieces and start to fix it back.

Hopefully there's no missing pieces though.
For now, just be with myself.
Just me and myself.

:)

Keeping myself to only myself.

No one else.

Back into the shell.

But I hope things will work out in the future.
I truly do hope so.

:)

Sometimes, I wish we have a peacefully face to face chat about other feelings instead of hiding it, thinking that it's the best when it clearly isn't.
No matter what, we'll see how it goes after As.

Don't call me 'Hey'.

I have a name.

7th November 2011

Hugs.

The best thing in the world.

When someone hug you, it's easy to know whether it's sincere or not.

Getting a sincere hug make you feel loved and secure.

That's why I love getting hugs and love giving hugs.

Anyway, tmr is my first A level paper.

Super nervous and excited.

hehehehee.....

Nothing is bad.
It's all about perspective.
And attitude. 

Everything will end soon. 

:)

5th November 2011

I sense that someone around me is falling sick.

But end up, i'm the one who's falling sick.

Shall sleep early today. 

Hopefully everything will be alright by tmr.

3 more days....

I feel so numb.

Goodnight everyone.

2th November 2011

This song shall accompany through this period of time.

:D

Just 3 more weeks. Jiayou!!!

:D

1th November 2011

Sigh...

Was doing GP and History essay,

And I'm really very very very hungry. :X

Waiting for my Mum to come home with dinner.

Feeling so restless now.

:X

Next week is the big day.

JIAYOU JIAYOU!

But...I'm really very very hungry now. :X

"It will all end when both stop trying. I'm at the edge of stopping too.

Should I continue trying? Even if it's causing me some much?"