End of chapter

Today is the day...

I woke up and will have to accept that you are no longer in my life anymore.

I love you...

Hope you will stay healthy and find the love of your life soon.

Contented

No work, no school.

Tmr is an awesome day.

One of the few days where i can fully enjoy my day.

Woohoo~

Had a great chat with daddy and mummy today.

It has come to my realisation that, till now, I'm actually having a very good life.

Now that i look back to my past few years of my life, I'm actually quite convinced that lao tian ye have given me a very good path of life.

During my secondary school, I've Videography as my greatest hobby and interest.

I actually didn't realise how much I love it until after JC.

But it was too late coz i wasn't able to pursue it anymore.

After secondary school comes my JC life. 

Initially I was quite upset that I didnt get into the Poly course I wanted.

Which is why i ended up in JC.

But now that I see, it was the best decision that I've ever made in my life.

Not just becoz it opens me up to a wide variety of course that i can pursue in Uni, but also (to me, a very important reason) the school fees are so much cheaper than studying in Poly.

I know I know, this reason might sound quite stupid to some of you.

But to me, its very important becoz it just simply means like financial burden to my family.

Plus, the JC life is also quite a good memories

There's no doubt that there are bad memories.

But I've come to a point that I accept this bad memories as part and parcel of my life story.

Moving on to life after JC.

Again...I didn't manage to get into the Uni course that I want after taking m 'A' level results.

It was a very tough period in my life as I've suddenly lost a direction of where I'm heading toward and what I'm going to be.

But I was glad that I stood on firm to my stand and didn't make any rush decision on going into any Uni course that I can.

And the life journey after that was simply amazing...

I used that ten second of courage to apply for the job as a banquet server and it totally open myself to a side of the world that I've never touch before.

This journey on exploring how the real society works, the nature of different job and meeting all sorts of people.

That was something that I never ever dream that I will do or happen in my life.

From banquet server to working at lobby lounge and moving to mooncake roadshow.

One hotel, different departments, different experience.

In a short six months, I've seen so much and experience so much.

However, after moving in to working in TanSL that I've realised whatever I experience before this was just the tip of the iceberg.

TanSL is where I learn about human relation and how the society really works.

Maybe I should say it woke me up from a dream where I thought society was all nice and clean.

During this six months plus in TSL, I went through a negative chance in personality which I'm totally grateful that I manage to change back and also the process of being make used of.

However, it was an awesome test on my knowledge and ability.

Which I'm actually quite happy with. hahaha

After one whole year of society lesson, I've come to this point of my life.

I'm now back to studies and having a clearer view of the future and at the same time having a part time job that allows me to see the most realistic view of the society every single day. After working for three months in the bank, I've a total new view 'MONEY'. 

It is something that I never really give any deep thought about in the past.

I guess 'MONEY' is the next society lesson that I'll be learning and I'm truly looking forward to it.

After saying so much, I look at myself right now and I can truthfully say that I'm really happy with my life right now.

I have the opportunity to go back to studies, work, earning a living for myself, being filial to my parent and having quite a stable life that has its depth. 

Anything extra are bonus.

What more can I ask for.

Ok, shall end this post by sharing with you guys something that my Dad said today.

钱不是万能的。可是没有钱却什么都不能。

但是，要记得永远都不要成为钱的奴隶。

Translate into English, it should be something like this.

Money can't get you everything.

But without money, you can't get anything.

However, remember that never ever end up as the slave of money.

Recent life

Heyyo peeps!

Feels like it has been damn long.. 

How's everyone?

Hope you all are still well despite having a hard time in life!

haha just going to have a simple update on my life and will end with some random thoughts.

Well, Uni life have been alright.

Couldn't really feel a big diff as its almost like JC.

But its a real challenge to balance between work, life and study.

And I really regret planning my school timetable in such way.

School on monday, wednesday, friday ans saturday.

Really very fucked up.

So I'm gona revamp my timetable next semester.

Hope I'll have to discipline and mental strength to hang in there and do well.

Just quite worried for my POA coz i can't understand a single shit that the lecturer is going through!

Lets pray hard that i'll go through this.

Work has been quite bad for me last week.

But as time goes by and as I try my  very best to do it well, things are getting and better for me.

Lets hope it will continue to be so.

Gonna keep my fingers crossed.

But the thing is I'm not sure if i'll continue this job after the contract ends. :/

Coz i feel like spending more time on my studies.

But still... gotta consider the financial part. 

Oh well...shall not think about it since i still got like 9 more months before the contract ends.

The bear and I just passed our first anniversary like 2 months ago.

Couldn't believe that we lasted this long.

We always have our ups and downs.

No doubt that we have those thoughts of breaking up at times, we would always put in an effort to make things right.

I guess...we are all learning and growing at the same time.

But i'm going to keep my hopes down.

Just loving him as much as i can.

I think its important to keep things lively between a relationship.

If not, as time goes by, things will just turn dull..

Have something to look forward to every few months.

I guess its something that really keeps the relationship going. 

Becoz love fades off too easily.

But I know  that he will always be in my heart.

Always..

Ok! 

Time for random thoughts!

Just going to type out whats coming to my mind now.

I realised that i'm starting to get very tired of entertaining or talking to people.

Probably becoz its getting harder and harder to find people that treat me truly and sincerely.

Everyone is just using everyone.

Temptation, facade, jealousy, betrayal.

It seem to be everywhere and anywhere.

The more I step into the society, the more i explore myself in this world, it just get more and more disheartening.

Especially now that i'm working in a bank.

What i see everyday are the most realistic reflection of life.

Money is just so evil.

Yet, we can't get by without it.

We have to wear a mask just so as to protect ourself.

We have to be very cautious and alert at the same time.

Knowing who are the ones that you can trust and who are those that are just passerby in life.

What i want is just a simple life.

But simplicity is the hardest to get after I step into the society.

As long as I dont lose myself, I'll be fine.

Fairytales doesn't exist...

If only things are like how it used to be....

Back on!!!

Hi!

Another month gone....

August is gonna be here soon.

And i'm actually quite excited about it.

Haha.. updates!

Nothing much special this month.

Just getting myself busy with all the school stuff.

Collecting my Student Pass (yes! I'm a student again), going for preparatory lectures, revsing on some old JC and secondary school stuff.

I think i'll forgotten almost hal of what I've learnt back then in school. -.-

But all I can say is that I'm so looking forward to school.

So yea...
School is going well.
Found a job in UOB and hoping that things can go well or me too.
Love is also going well for me.
Xiong and I are getting along well.
haha.. Sometimes, it feels that he is becoming like me and I'm somehow becoming like him.

Lets hope that things will continue to be good and smooth for me. :)

Drive and Motivation

Hi guys,

I'm back from my short getaway.

Well, I guess the getaway was still alright?

Just a break for me to chill and cool myself down.

Have a Starbuck Green Tea Latte, sit outside the cafe and enjoy the cooling, refresh air with awesome hill view.

Seems like I had quite a good life right?

Went to a temple there and the whole environment is really good for have deep thoughts, clearing minds or just simply enjoy the nature there.

If I remember correctly, it was my third day there a when I went to the temple.

Kinda missing home at that point of time. 

Reason being it was getting a little boring and the things there are so overpriced and I can hardly find nice food there.

So I sorta miss all the nice food in Singapore.

hahahaha

okok.. I'm not gonna talk much about my getaway.

Actually the main point of this post is to share with you guys some of my thoughts and feelings that I have recently.

I realised that after I had that job at OneHealth, I lost my drive, motivation and passion for the job.

It's no longer like how I used to feel when I'm working at Conrad.

Back then at Conrad, though the working hours are harsh and it's stressful coz of the high service standard as a five star hotel but I must say that I've really enjoyed my days there. 

I wasn't really working for the money but I'm working because it really made my day with all the happy, friendly and driven people around me.

But in OneHealth, everything changes. 

I'm no longer happy.

Things are stressful but i'm no longer happy.

Becoz the things i do is not worth the stress.

People around are all evil and disgusting.

And worst of all, I get poorer and poorer as I work harder and harder.

It's that i have problem meeting my ends.

I'll have to drag myself to work every single day.

And i've came to a point that I realised that I'm just working for the money.

But, i'm too young to just simply work for money.

Maybe ten years down the road when I have family and financial burden, I would work for money even if the work is like shit.

But not now. 

I want to have my life now coz i know i won't have a chance to do so in the future.

So i quit.

However, ever since then, I've completely lost the drive and motivation to work.

Really...

I hate that disgusting work past that i had.

Yea, no doubt it really gave me a very good experience of working life but also bad memories that I've never ever forget in my entire life.

I swear I'll have to pull myself together and find back the pure drive, motivation and happiness to work in midst of studying.

Yes. I have to. I must find it back.

Goodbye

Short post before I go off.

Finally, the getaway trip that i've always been looking forward to is finally here.

Gonna enjoy my trip fully and have a good time clearing up my mind.

Hopefully I'll be able to have some new thoughts and come back as a better person.

As I am blogging now, Xiong is somewhere at clarke quay drinking with his friends.

I don't think he even know what time I'm leaving tmr.

Maybe he is happy that i'll be gone.

Oh well, whatever...

Shall just enjoy every bit of the moment right now.

I'll find my smile back one day.

Ugliness

It's amazing how my views of someone can change to such extent.

Within this few weeks, I can totally feel and understand why some people used to say that 'Beauty comes from within'

I can know someone who is very pretty/good-looking when I just know him/her.

But as time goes by, after getting to know their character/personality/upbringing, it really have a very huge impact on how I think about that person. 

Bad character, especially those who don't even have the basic manners and still have the audacity to think that whatever they do is right and simply just indulge in self pity.

It's like the more I know them, the more they disgust me.

Of course, I won't say that I'm totally perfect and flawless.
My attitude towards them is just simply based on how they treat people around them.
They will get what they deserve.

Down to earth

Hello Peeps!

How's everyone doing recently?

My blog is dying...

I know I know...

But here I am to keep it alive again.

Gonna be a long long post.

So read it only if you have the time!

Hahaha.

I've been missing for two months and guess what have i been up to?

Two simple words.

ENJOY LIFE

Have been totally enjoying myself for the past two months.

Didn't look for any other job after i left TSL.

Just wanna pay myself back with all the fun and rest that i deserve.

Another thing i that I/m just waiting for Uni to start.

At least i have something to look forward to.

I'm totally excited and looking forward to school.

Frankly speaking, i miss school.

Where i don't have to worry about anything and just focus on studies.

That feeling is pure awesomeness.

okok.. Let's get back to updating my happenings first before i go on and on with my random thoughts.

I went to Xiong's friend birthday party and totally had a great time there.

Played a mini Running Man (Nicol's version) with his friends and had a real great time.

Photo bomb, one-legged match, food relay and the marathon.

It's a good thing that I'm quite sociable so everything went well and i had a great time with his friends.

Can't wait for the next Running Man game to start!!!

It has been a real long time since i went to this swimming complex.

Jurong Swimming Complex.

Three choices of Water Slide, Lazy Pool and Wave Pool.

Went with Xiong and had a great time trying to spice up our relationship.

It is not expensive and you can totally have lots of fun there.

Awesome for family, friends or couple who want to have fun and save money at the same time!

And after swimming, we went to Swee Choon for dinner.

Really have the custard bun there.

The food there are nice and price are reasonable.

But for me, i'll only eat there once in awhile becoz i'll lose the interest in it if i eat too frequent. 

After that, we went over to Xiong's friend house to lepak and chit chat till late.

Didnt spend much that day which makes me quite happy. hehehe

Oh and also, finally met up with my dear girl, Lixing.

Been ages since i last met her.

Growing prettier and prettier everytime i see her.

hahahaha.

And we had an unplanned double date!

Coz xiong manage to get free tickets for the Singapore Flyer so Xing, Adrain, Me and Xiong went on shopping and flyer together.

It was sweet, fun and loving.

A really different and memorable experience.

(Can't believe Singapore Flyer went bankrupt)

 And at night, we went over to a rooftop to chillax and just enjoy each other's company.

No awkwardness.

Just calm and peaceful.

Last month was Daddy and Bro's birthday!

So the whole family went out on a sushi buffet dinner!

Everyone was happy coz it was damn long since we dine out together.

Ate and chatted for long and left the restaurant with our stomach satisfied.

Not forgetting my long awaited trip to USS with Xiong!!!!

We've waited for this trip since last year and it was xiong's first visit to USS.

                                okay...I'm not gonna spam you all with too much photos also. hahaha

As we went on a weekday, there isn't much people so we slowly too our time and walked around, look look here, see see there, like a tourist. 

Best thing is that the weather is awesome! 

No rain at all.

The water world was as awesome as usual.

And at night, we had a very last minute decision to stayover at Siloso Beach Resort.

This is my second time staying there.

All I can say is that the stay is worth the amount i pay.

The breakfast there is really nice.

Don't expect five star breakfast there.

But I can say that the food there is simple but delicious.

The feeling of waking up to an awesome scenery is just so relaxing.

Actually, i don't mind staying there again.

hehehehe.

And lastly, a planned double date with Xing to Sentosa beach!

Having a picnic is one of the things that we wanted to do together when we were in JC.

And after like 2 years, we finally fulfilled it!

We brought food and drinks over, sun tan and play in the sea.

Xiong throw me into the sea and they even gang up to bury my body in the sand.

I dont have the photo with me coz its all in xing's phone.

And i just realised that we didn't take a group photo together!

Must remember to do so next time. 

The weather was good, the sea was cooling, the beach wasn't crowded, the company was awesome.

What more can I ask for?

All this fun is simple and down to earth.
Which is something that i really love.
Happiness ain't about spending big money.
Its about doing things that you can do and will like to do.
No one can make yourself more happy than you do.
My happiness come from myself.
My love ones add on to my happiness.

oook.... This post is too long for me to continue with my random thoughts.

Coz i really reallly have lots of thought in mind that i wanna share.

Shall continue it tmr.

Stay tune!!!!!!!!!

9th April 2013

Hi hi.

I'm finally back after so long.

I'm just so tired, mentally and physically.

Both clinics is finally open and running.

Some problems here and there but it not a surprise.

So, clinics are open and here comes a time for me to rest and think about my future.

I've really learnt a lot from this job and also this company.

3 months of admin and 3 months of operations.

I feel that I've grown old so fast.

Is this the job that I really want at my age?

20 years old girl working as if she have a family to take care of and have lots of debt to clear?

I don't know...

Am I being too immature to think this way?

Ok...Lets think back.

Why did I want to quit banquet and find a full time job?

Ans: Becoz I want to have office experience and have a stable income and regular working hours.

Why did I choose to do admin in the first place?

Ans: Becoz I'm new to the office working work and thought that probably admin will be a way for a good start.

Why did I end up agreeing to do operations?

Ans: I thought it was a great opportunity to explore and expose myself to more things and it's like a challenge and goal to be able to set up clinic.

What was my goal when I agreed to take up operation?

Ans: Ensure that the company will be able to obtain the medical license and that both clinic will be operationally ready on the 1st April 2013.

Why did I not give up when things get real hard?

Ans: Reminded myself the main goal of accepting this challenge. If I give up without achieving the goal, then I will be letting myself down.

Then why do I want to quit now? Especially when the two clinics are up and going.

Ans: Becoz I start to think that is this the working environment that I want to be in? Or is this the thing that I really want to do? I feel that I'm restricting myself to more opportunities out there. There seem like a lot more things that I haven't try and experience before. 

And most importantly, is this the kind of life that I want?

I am really so so tired.

Sigh...

It has been so long since I said I want a getaway.

This getaway never seem to come.

And it seem like it will never come true.

Now that May is coming, I want my long break but I totally have no idea if I can even get it with the two additional clinic coming up.

Why must I make myself so unhappy?

What's the purpose behind working so hard?

I have an income that doesn't match my workload and irregular working hours with a very very very demanding boss.

I just want a simple life.

Just like how it used to be.

I've enough adventure for the past 3 to 4 months.

It's enough.

6th Month.

Unknowingly, we have been together for 6 months.

Before you go into army, to POP, to POC and now starting work.

I seem like we went through a lot together.

You and I have changed along the way to become a better person.

You make me want to love and cherish you more.

Despite all your flaws, I still love you coz I know what are the things in you that are worth me loving.

Thanks for listening me my rants, tolerating my PMS and making me feel so loved.

You are thinking about our future.

"I must work hard so that I can provide us with a more comfortable life in the future."

What you said touch me.

I see it in actions too.

Thank you baby.

So what if other people don't like you.

So what if they think you are not good.

In my eyes, you are the best.

Others have no rights to comment.

Becoz it is me that you are dating.

Not them.

Time with you is always so fast and happy.

Becoz we love each other, that's why we can't stay angry at each other for long.

Looking forward to our one year anniversary!

Love without time is nothing.

Love without action is also nothing.

6th Feb 2012

Chinese New Year is around the corner.

Have been too busy with work and other stuff and didn't really have much time to tidy up my room.

Luckily boss is going oversea Tmr. 

Can finally take a breather and tidy up my room and prepare for new year.

Xiong is going to POC after Chinese new year.

Unknowingly, we have been together for five months and this month will be the sixth month.

Half a year passed by.

Me and him went through ups and downs...

But the best thing is we didn't give up in each other.

And Everytime after some incident, we seems to love and cherish each other even more.

I don't m ow about him.

But for me, having him is definitely awesome.

The sense of security that I can get.

He may be an ah beng and can be quite irritating and annoying at times.
But so what?
It's him.
The one that I love. 

1st Feb 2013

Never in my mind have I thought that our love is actually so fragile.

Just becoz I can't accompany you for the past two weekends, your love for me changed.

Denying whatever I did for the past 5 months and saying that love is a marathon, constant effort have to be put in.

Despite me being so tired, I still tried my best to give you whatever I can.

But my best is never enough for you.

All I get is 'For not keeping my heart?' 

I tried so hard yet I'm still unable to keep your heart.

You have no doubt for my love.... But the rest you can't feel anything.

I guess you have no idea how much your words hurt me..

Coz you don't even care..

History repeating itself. 

Am I going to be the second Miao ting?

It's not hard to know whether someone want to leave.

Those that want to leave, no point asking them to stay.

Those that want to stay, nothing can make them leave.

I'm tired...

30th Jan 2013

Ding Ding Ding!

Back into my small little world.

I can only use three words to describe my work recently.

"Fast and Furious "

Sometimes, I just feels like strangling myself coz things ain't going as what I wish to.

But... yea...you can't always get what you want.

But...life goes on. haha

As always, Boss have been considerably good to me. And niki.

Always bring us to new places with good food.

Me and Niki at an atas place called 'The White Rabbit"

And no, they don't sell rabbit meat.So no worries.

Food is not bad but not those unforgettable kind.

Met Geraldine a few days before last year's Christmas.

We always have endless topics to talk about.

I really like talking to her.

Unlike others, she is very straightforward, have her own set of thinking and stand firm on whatever she believe. 

Best of all, she is not those two-faced people. 

;)

Looking forward to the next meet up with her!!!!

Oh oh, last month, I went to do nail extension at Far East Plaza and it was a total disappointment.

:(

The extension just peeled off after 2 weeks or so.

There goes my money.

In addition, I really didnt like the overall colour and design.
It just doesn't suit me.
Be it my appearance or character.

So.....the very next day, I went to AMK and repaint my nails.

And, for sure, this color suits me so much better.

Going to do another manicure this coming weekend.

For CNY.

But I still have no idea what design or colour to do.

See how first bah...

ok...after all my recent updates...

Here comes the most important one...

Me and Xiong!

Last week, we just passed our 5th month, moving on to our 6th.

I guess he have no idea how he means to me and how much I love him.

Just two more weeks plus and he will end his training le.

YAY!!!

Poor guy having tough training very week.

I've been trying my best to keep him happy whenever he's out.

But..sometimes...it's just so hard to make him happy.

sigh... but still...I'm trying.

Helping my dearest guy to put on facial clay mask and enjoy quality time.

And also eye mask.

hehe.. I look like a panda.

Printed out a few photos recently.

Put at his room and wallet.

hehe.

Happy and sweet couple!!!

Me lying on his shoulder after I fetch him on Friday.

That is the moment that I feel most safe and loved.

Xiong, despite my flaws, I still love you dearly.

Recently gonna be real busy at work.
Will update whenever I can.

Take care guys!!!!
Oh, and just in case I'm too busy to update before CNY, i shall wish everyone a
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!
STAY HAPPY, HEALTHY AND CHERISH YOUR LOVE ONES!!!!
:D

First month of January....

Stepping into 2013, I feel nothing beside knowing that I'm gonna be one year older le. Can't believe i'm 20 year old le. the next ten years is gonna be full of ups and downs. Feeling excited and scare at the same time. Still, life goes on...

Work at TanSL is gearing up and in seriously afraid that I won't be able to catch up. Boss is like going soooo fast. My job scope is all over the place. Feel so useless when I can't finish up the work. Not as fast as he want me to be. Plus, there's another side factor which is Xiong. We've been spending lesser and lesser time tgt. Feels that I'm drifting away from him. I can't tell him that I miss him becoz he will feel annoyed. And he's always too tired to text me. Really don't know how to go through all this. Perhaps, I should really just focus on work. When in working, I cut off all contact from him? Sigh... Anyway, I really have to train myself to be at the same pace as Boss. If not, I'm gonna die so badly. 

Jiayou, Lansin! Jiayou, Xiong!