31th December 2011

Last day of 2011.

Ahh....Feels like a dream.

Welcoming a new year ahead.

New start. :D

Haha. I realised that my blog post for the past few months are too emo.

hehehe. Sorry.

Gonna cut down on emo blog post in the new year.

Anyway, that's not the main point of this blog post.

I wanna talk about my dearest Bro.

Hmm...Why should I start?

My Bro and I are not that close in the past.

We seldom talk.

Not much interaction.

Hmm...We have a very very cold Brother-sister relationship.

But, it seems like things changed this year.

He become warmer toward me. :D

I mean by, he's more willing to talk to me.

We chat more than usual.

Though not very close, I still love the change.

I'm glad that I still have him.

Not very close with him, but he make me feel loved and cared for.

Especially during hard times.

I guess I love him as much as i love my parent and boyfriend. :D

Love you lots, Bro! 

:D

29th December 2011

Had an interesting thought today.

I think there's a reason why I love to doll up myself.

Especially putting make up.

It seems like whenever I start to put make up, I'm covering up all the scars. All the pain.

At the same time, covering up all the sadness.

 It's like a mask to me.
No matter how sad or troubled I am, the process of dolling up myself makes me feel safe and comfortable.
When I'm done dolling up, I'll look into the mirror and tell myself, "Everything will turn out well",
And I'll head out, talk to strangers, promote chocolate, wishing people merry christmas with this.

 That doesn't mean that I'm using a fake self to treat people.
I just simply keep all my scars and sadness and treat them with whatever that's left in me.
Happiness and gratefulness.

At least for now, that's the only way I know to stop myself from disturbing others with my emotions.

27th December 2011

Ahhh... too much frozen food.

Sigh...I've been vomiting for the whole day.

This sucks man.

I really need to get some real food.

Anyway, I've ended my job as Santarina last week.

Plans for this 2 weeks: Film production and meet ups with friends.

And...yea..probably going ice skating next week when those primary and secondary school kids start their new school term. hahaha

Going to Farrer Park to return my outfits tmr.

Then head down to town with my daughters.

Miss spending time with them.

So, i've scheduled my time with some of my other friends for meet up.

But there's just one friend that's always busy.

Hopefully he can make it this Sunday evening. 

I'm looking forward to this 2 weeks.

Gonna be fun.

Going dating this Saturday.

Woohoo~~~~ 

yea! Excited. :D

hehehe.

Recently, I've watched a drama about love and relationship.

Gave me lots of thoughts.

Maybe I shouldn't get into a relationship with marriage in mind.

Just enjoy the process.

Because I'll never know what's the ending.

But, for some reason, I feel that something's wrong with this mindset.

Need more thoughts about it.

Anyway, a new year is coming.

Hopefully, this year, God will bring me a more interesting and fruitful year.

Bobi bobi.

:D

22th December 2011

I'm like a lost sheep when it comes to you.

I don't know what to do.

Helpless...Clueless....

No matter how many times I tell myself to forget and move on, I always fail to do so.

I guess we havn't seen each other for around half a month.

I didn't slack around.

Been trying real hard to settle my own feelings.

Painful, hard, helpless, lost...

All the negative feelings.

Didn't blame you for this.

Just feel that I'm a little useless.

Can't forget you.

Not being emotional now.

Cry becoz I'm upset and angry.

Smile becoz I'm happy.

I mean it's something very natural.

But maybe in your eyes, if i cry, I'm just being emotional. :(

I've gave up trying to forget you.

Of coz, at times, I'll think, what if one day you fall in love with someone who believe in the same God as you and not as emotional as I am?

Will that day come?

If it really happen, what should I do?

Then, I realised a very important question.

What else can I do?

"Be brave enough to change what you have now, if he is not what you really want."

Are you what I really want?

Even after everything that happened?

No matter what, you're the one that I've given most of my love to.

21th December 2011

Sigh...

Sad sad sad.

When to pray today and got myself a 下下签。

I asked about the rest of the days of Year 2011.

End up.... Get this kind of result. :(

Sigh....

But no matter what, I'll try my best to live the rest of Year 2011 to the fullest.

Hopefully no accident. :X

Also, I went online and search for tarot reading.

hehehe..

Yea..I know, sound a little foolish of me to do so.

But I still like it.

The result this time is quite interesting. So I decided to share it.

Can't print screen it. So I just copied and paste it.

hahaha

Communication-Temperance
TEMPERANCE AND COMMUNICATION: It is time now for you to discover the things around you. It is time to practice meditation and recover the love for the things. Spirituality invades your body and your mind. A sense of harmony and balance will guide you to success in any enterprise. Your transformation will take you closer to love.


The partner - The World
THE WORLD AND THE PARTNER: Be brave enough to change what you have now, if he is not what you really want. The world is full of wonderful people. Your concept of what a relationship should be will come true when you experience real love.


Love - The Empress
THE EMPRESS AND LOVE: You are ready to seduce or to be seduced; you are sexy and fun, take advantage of these qualities! You have lots of love to give; it all depends on your ability to express it. Don't forget that a relationship will prosper if there is mutual trust, respect and communication.


The Present - The tower
THE TOWER: This is an excellent period for extraordinary and impetuous changes. Your world is falling apart and you want to save it by clinging to certain things. The only thing that you're going to get is being dragged down to the abyss with them. Let things happen; in this way everything will be faster and less painful. Be patient, the good things in you will remain. Relax, new opportunities will arise soon.


Dreams - Wheel of fourtune
WHEEL OF FORTUNE AND DREAMS: You'll have enough energy to accomplish your goals; luck is with you: your future depends only on you. Use your perception and your extraordinary creativity to get ready to live what you've always dreamed of.


Friendship-The Chariot
THE CHARIOT AND FRIENDSHIP: Don't let yourself be influenced by false, selfish, opportunist friends. Identify the good friends; they may not be many but they are precious. Share your friends with your family; you'll see that everything will be in harmony. Enjoy very moment, live intensely each day; you'll find the real meaning of your life.


Sex- The Fool
THE FOOL AND SEX: This is a very favorable period for adventures of a sexual nature. If you know how to seize the opportunities, you'll be able to seduce interesting people, but the relationships won't last. If you decide to try infidelity, act with prudence and you won't have any problem. Nobody will catch you if you take care of every little detail. If what you are looking for is a partner, this is a favorable time. Enjoy what you have and don't worry; the future will bring new and better opportunities.


Reading this makes me feel so much better than knowing I get 下下签。
:X
Most of the things it says seem to be quite true.
Maybe I should follow it.
Sigh...
Shall not think too much first.
Shall go and catch a movie at woodland or yishun later.
Bye~~

That someone who won't run away. 

That someone who will wipe off your tears and tell you that everything will be fine.

:)

18th Dec 2011

Finally back to my little space. :D

I've been working for the past few days with Lixing.

The job was not bad.

Not very stress.

But a little too boring. :x

Lixing and I spent lots of time together.

Chatting and just simply chillax at a corner.

Feels like we've gone back to those school days.

Just that this time, Niki is not with us. :(

Should really ask her out sometime.

Gui mama miss her daughter already.

hahahaha.

Lazy to add photos this time.

Next time then i add. :P

Lots of interesting things happened during  the past few days.

Especially yesterday.

Lixing and I were just resting/sleeping during our break time a group of working adults suddenly approached us and asked if they can take a photo with us.

Hahahah.

We then get to know that they were playing a game, something like Amazing Race I guess.

Those group that manage to take a photo with a Santarina will get more points.

Hahaha.

We got caught by another group while taking the escalator down.

After the second group, Lixing and I decided that if we see another group, must try to run away.

hehehehehe.

Just to play prank on them. :P

And, indeed, we really met another group.

But I'm the only one that got caught. "-.-

Super fun. :D

Yesterday was the last day at Fusionopolis.

I swear the place is damn cold.

I think I'm getting a flu. :x

Anyway, Lixing and I manage to get off work early yesterday.

Went to the flea market at Scape and got myself a baby pink dress and another nice shirt.

Love them.

It's cheaper than I thought.

hehehe.

And so, my day ended quite well.

Some thoughts after working at Fusionopolis.

Hmm...I guess all work has its bitter and sweet.

This is relaxing.

But not the kind of job that I'll hold dearly on.

Hmm..what did I learn?

I learn to accept rejection with a smile.

A sincere smile. 

:)

Oh, and also, I realised that Caucasians are very generous with compliments. :P

Last few Baci job and I'll be done with my current work.

Great experience.

I wonder who will I meet or any nice soul will visit me at work tmr.

Luckily it's at North Point.

And Bro just told me I no need go airport.

Ah...shall enjoy and jiayou at the same time.

Praying doesn't solve problems.
Face it. 

10th December 2011

Hi hi hi!!!

Yup yup. i'm back to my little world.

Loads to talk about. :)

Lots of interesting things happened for the past few days.

Can't wait to blog about it.

One and foremost, the first official East Meets West Connection production is out!!!!

Check it out below! :D

Absolutely amazing/awesome.

After so many years of productions, I dare to say that this is definitely one that I'm really proud of.

:D

Spending time with awesome friends and producing awesome film.

Simply AWESOME!!!!

Really thanks to all the production crew.

I count myself very lucky to be able to work with Jeth.

He made me realised something and accept it.

Becoz of him, I realised that I'm seriously not the cut for director.

Lack of the necessary charisma.

But that's something that is really evident in Jeth.

So maybe I'm more suitable for other roles.

Through feeling a little lost about what I should do in the future beside Director, I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to fit in somewhere in this industry.

no doubt about that.

hahahaha... I feel that I'm born to be in this industry, :P

Oh, also, thanks to Jeth, I don't hate colour correction as much as i do in the past.

heehehehehe..

Of course, not to forget, Aldrian for teaching me lots of new things regarding the DSLR.

And, no doubt, get expose to more new camera angles.

It feels great to be able to talk to someone who have a different view point about camera angles.

Too bad he went back to Indonesia. :(

But I believe that we'll meet up soon.

Not sure when. But should be soon. :D

And thanks to David for providing all the necessary equipment! :D

Too bad he was busy with hic church camp admin stuff, so he can't be there as much as he wants.

Maybe because I don't have to worry about studies and can give my very best to filming, I really really love the whole process. :)

Looking forward to the next production! :D

Arh... What else did I wanna blog??

Oh oh!! After the last day of filming of the prom video at clarke quak, I went to the side of the Singapore river and simply stone there for like 2 hours.

It's really nice there.

Cool breeze, christmas music, bubble displays and christmas lightnings.

Sure nice scenery, yet I was feeling super sad that evening.

Thoughts ran through my mind.

Tears just start to fall quietly.

Just to prevent myself from being too upset, I wrote all my thoughts and feelings down on my Diary.Secret book. 

Yea...feels much better after that. Wanted to take the bus home. 

But didn't know which bus to take.

So, i ended up taking train back.

All i can say is that, I was really having a hard time that evening.

But, crying is the only way I have to make me feel better.

Especially since I can't escape out of Singapore and go to some nice nice place to hide for awhile.

Back to normal. :)

Hahaha..

Last thing that I wanna to blog is about my job.

Yup yup. i'm finally working. 

Went down to Farrer Park with my dearest Lixing to collect our costume and sign contract.

What can i say...simply excited! :D

Today is the first day of my work.

At Bukit Merah. -.-

Super far.

Woke up early to take 167 down to Bukit Merah Interchange.

90 mins bus ride.

But I manage to take a few real beautiful photos on the bus.

Sunrise.

Simply beautiful.

I didn't do any photo editing to it. :D

When I reached that place and find the booth, all the aunties there was like trying to find out what kind of promotion is going on.

Hahahaha.

But I think I really blushed a lot today. 

hehehe...

The fairprice aunties all very nice.

I guess it's because of my costume.

Lots of them say I'm very pretty. :P :P :P

*Blushed*

hehehehe...

Was very tiring through.

Stood there for 6 hours with no lunch. :(

I was super hungry after that.

but glad that my partner and I met the sale target.

Mission accomplished! 

:D

Tmr is at Rochor Central.

Don't think the sales will be that good. :(

Gonna try my best though.

That's all for today first.

Squishy Me is very sleepy now.

Goodnight Loves! :D 

Kidnapped Bro's cute plushie for cuddling. :P 

Edit Edit Edit

I'm in the mid of the post production.

Done with my part. Hahahaha

Now, just waiting for Jeth to finish his part.

Poor Jeth have to do colou correction.

LOL

Anyway, this editing is the most relaxing editing ever.

Done with everything within just one day.

Maybe I should say, half a day.

heheheehe

AWESOME!!!!

Hahahahaha

6th December 2011

Arh...Just realised that it's finally December.

Which mean....

CHRISTMAS IS HERE!!!!

hehehehehe! YAY!

So far, holiday is quite alright for me.

I started my Job hunt.

And YES!

I found jobs!!!!

hehehe..

Can finally earn my own pocket money.

It's a long term job so more.

So happy! :D

Anyway, I went down for my first job interview last week.

Hais...

I sighed not becoz it didn't went well.

But becoz I finally accept the fact that I totally have no sense of direction.

The interview is at Joo Chiat Road.

I got lost and walked all the way down to Geylang Road.

It was raining heavily somemore.

Super fail. -.-

Luckily I've Lixing to save me.

hehehe..

Love her lots! <3

After walking for almost 1 and a half hour, I finally reached the place.

I was half an hour late.

And drenched. :X

The interview was alright though.

hehehehe.

And today, i've another interview.

Hehehe..

Got lost again.

But this time, it's not that bad.

And yes, Lixing saved me again. :P

The interview was great.

Tried out 2 different type of Santarina dress.

The dresses are so cute.

hahahaha

Anyway, i got the job.

And what's more awesome is that Lixing got that job too!!!!

YAY!!!!!!

Super happy! :D

After the interview, I went back to bugis to help Jeth out with the filming.

Last day of filming.

YES!

AWESOME!

Of course there will be time where we get stress up and panic, but that's the process that we have to go through. :)

I love the feeling how all of us suffer together and play together.

As a team. :)

Going hungry together just to make sure everything is done before the day end and enjoying the food after all the hard work. 

So tmr will be the start of the post production.

hopefully everything will go well.

:D

Kenny Poh!

This is for you.

Feeling so sad and depressed.

Where is all the happiness???

:(

1th December 2011

Didn't manage to sleep well for the past one week.

Super annoying.

Especially when I start crying all of a sudden.

Seriously, super annoying.

But, no matter what, I'll try to stamp that kind of feeling out.

I've enough of all this rubbish.

I guess a change of scenery will do some help.

But, I can't. Got to start working first.

Don't really wanna spend too much of parent's hard earned money.

Love them for always being there.

Recently, I've been brainwashing myself to accept the fact that everything is over.

Got to look at present rather than the past.

Whatever happen, happens.

Not like I'll be able to change it or something.

Hopefully tonight will be a great night where I can just sleep without worries.