20th Jan 2011

Hi Hi!!!

I'm back.

Hahaha. Feels like ages since I last blogged. Miss me little space so much.

So what have I been up to recently?

Work???

Nah...I'm still unemployed.

hehehehe.

Anyways, I've been doing some filming on the 2nd EMWC production.

7 days of filming and still counting.

Aldrian flew back to Singapore specially for this production.

hehehehe. So happy.

But, blur me forget to give him his EOY letter and chocolate again.

Oh well...

Note to self: Must give him the letter when I see him next time! 

Anyway, this time round, I'm less tense and relaxed as compared to the previous one.

Which is great! Because I manage to loosen myself.

Met new awesome people and found nice place to eat.

Here's the group of awesome cast and crew!!!!

Thanks to David, I get to know a great place for icecream!!!

Ice Cream Chef!!!!

It's at some ulu place near AMK.

But the ice cream is not bad. hehehehehe

That shall be my new place to hang out. :D

Next few days shall be post production.

Hope it will turn out well. *pray hard*

But...this time round, I got myself injured while playing Frisbee after the filming. :(

Fell down while playing. :(

I thought it was just slight bruises.

But I was wrong!!! Rawr!!!!

It's freaking pain!!!!!!

That's why I'm still awake now.

2.03am.

Feeling so sleepy and  hungry.

Yet can't fall asleep coz it's hurting so much.

Sigh...oh well...

I just I'll have a scars on both knee.

hahaha. Shall just treat it as a 'souvenir' from this 2nd production.

LOL. 

CNY coming...

So many things not done yet.

Haven't go Sentosa and treetop coz it rained on that day.

Havn't go ice skating coz of filming so no time.

But at least I manage to watched Sherlock Holmes new movie.

It wasn't as bad as I thought.

hehehe.. Worth watching.

The next movie I wanna watch is 'the girl with the dragon tattoo'.

No doubt that the book is awesome.

Just finish reading it 20 mins ago.

Shall see if the movie is as awesome as the book.

hhahahaha...

ok....i just popped a pain killer.

Lets hope it works so that I can sleep well.

Good night people! :D

12th Jan 2012

Friends...

I don't have many of them.

But those that I regard as friends, I treasure them.

Treat them like my family.

Don't really have to stick together or meet up every single day.

But know that I'll always be there when they need me.

Kenneth, Lixing, Niki, Afiq, Reeza, Jin Hor.

They are people who I cherish lots.

As for the others, feels more like acquaintance.

Like Jeth, David, Aldrian.

I don't know...

Feels more like we are colleagues rather than friends.

Love filming, make short films together and all that.

But, everything just stop there.

Complicated feelings.

If there's no EMWC, there is a high chance that we won't have any contact at all.

Perhaps, i'm just being too careful.

Sigh...

But, I'm still thankful that I get to know them.

Awesome group of people.

You know...

I'm starting to have doubts about the future that I've planned for myself.

Film production...is it really gonna be what I want?

I love film making. 

No doubt about that.

But, I'm doubting whether my love and passion is enough to drive me through another 10 years.

Especially now that my life is in a mess, am I really gonna spend my time in this?

In Singapore?
It's like I used to think that I'm like superwoman (Kenneth gave me that nickname -.-).
Coz I can edit stuff super fast.
I can survive with little sleep.
And other stuff.
But, the truth is that no matter what I do or how much I do, I'm just an ordinary girl.

My Plan B.

Changing the direction of my life.

but, where am I going to find that 20 seconds of insane courage to do so?

Sigh...

真的很烦。。。

But there are things that I've already decide.

There are a few things that I'll drop.

First, no more science subject for me.

Second, gonna stop learning German.

Third, gonna stop sulking.

Fourth, gonna stop trying to please everyone.

Yup...that's the four things that I'm gonna stop doing.

Some of it is becoz I simply don't like it and some is becoz there's no point continue doing it.

At the same time, there's a few things that i've added into the Lansin's dictionary.

First, remember to SMILE!

Second, Love only exists in fairytales.

Third, be less emotional.

After dropping and adding some stuff, hopefully my life will turn out to be better.

Meanwhile, I should keep thinking about my Plan A and Plan B.

And also, continue to search for my 20 seconds of insane courage.

I need someone to hug me tightly.

Telling me that everything will be alright.

9th Jan 2012

Depress. Helpless. Uncertain.

That's how I'm feeling right now.

I thought everything will be alright.

Have been looking forward to this day because I thought I can finally get my injection.

My hair can finally be treated.

but it turns out to be a nightmare.

No one knows about the root cause of this stupid sickness.

There's no prevention measures available.

No guarantee that it can be cured.

And it seems like its gonna be a weekly treatment.

Who can I talk to?

Who can I turn to?

What else can I do?

No one. Nothing.

That's how depress i am.

That's how helpless I feel.

That's how uncertain I feel.

5th Jan 2012

Sigh...

Been sick for a few days.

I swear, Reflux is totally killing me.

It's like my stomach is rejecting whatever I eat.

Relying on the medication given makes me feels like I'm on drug.

Frequent vomiting makes me feels terrible.

sigh...new production starting soon.

Really hope that it will not get worse.

Lying in bed these few days feels awful.

There are so many things that I wanna do.

So many place that I wanna go.

I wanna go to the Treetop Walk at Macritchie.

And also the beach at Sentosa.

Wanna spend the whole day there, enjoying the cool breeze, reading a book...awesome.

Feels like watching Song of the Sea.

Yea, and also, I've got to watch Sherlock Holmes too.

Suppose to watch it with Bro. But he stood me up in the end. :(

Oh, hoping to head down to Haw Par Villa soon. :)

At the same time, I'm also waiting for some of my friends to be free so we can head down to play paint ball together. Yay!

Oh oh oh, and ice skating too.

Once JC and poly start school, there will be less people at the ice skating ring.

Awesome! 

yea...sound really awesome.

I'm not gonna let this stupid reflux get into my way.

hmph... 

sigh..but this few days are too lonely.

I think no one will know if I faint at home.

Oh well.....

Anyway, gonna start going and doing all this things soon.

Even if it means I have to do it alone.

No time to waste.

:)

Something happened today.

I'm not going to say what is it or who is involved.

But, I just have some thoughts after it.

Some people use money to buy their way through.

Some use despicable means to achieve their goals.

I'm not gonna comment much on that.

Becoz, it is clear that in this industry, people do what they can to get what they want.

Even if it will cause harm to others.

I fought hard to be who I am today.

With a clear conscience.

But behind all the achievement, it's not just hardwork.

All the pain, humiliation, tears, betrayal.

Thanks to them.

I've experience it all.

I believe I'll get them again in the future.

It's just a matter of how well I can handle them.

Arh...Human being...so complex...

That's why, i came out with a new thinking.

I'll devote my total love and passion on things that I love.

But not human being.

Shall try it out and see if it works.